The best part of waking up

As I lay under my nice warm blanket this morning I thought of all the things I had to do today, realizing that I must first leave my comfort. I lay there remembering the sound of the cold front coming in in the wee hours of this day. The wind howled through, relentlessly beating the wind chime right outside our bedroom window. I shivered at the thought of loading all the kids in the car while I stood in the cold. A smile crept at the corners of my mouth when I thought of warm coffee in my tall purple coffee mug. I wouldn't make it as cowboys and men do. Not thick as mud and made to put hair on your chest. I would drink it as my grandfather uses to say, "a little coffee with your cream". It would be heaven, filled to the brim with coffee mate and tons of sugar. It would be worth leaving my cocoon to just smell the coffee brewing, it would sustain me through dressing kids while their teeth chattered and they complained. My tan motivation in a cup would get me through it all. And then I remembered. I remembered all the mornings I have gotten up and climbed onto that bike. All the sweat I have produced with absolutely no weight loss. I remembered Bear's comment about my big hinnie and the images of my naked self in the mirror.

I dragged my self out of bed, turned up the heat, and poured myself a freezing cold bowl of mini wheats.

Weigh in Wednesday

I am embarrassed to admit that I have gained two pounds and am now at 163.
I have been riding my bike approximately 30 minutes a day but I will admit that my eating hasn't been that great. I eat when I am stressed and when I get bored, and it certainly hasn't been an easy week.

Never the less I will continue to ride my bike and hopefully will see results at some point in the future. I do feel the need to brag on my honey who still sees me as beautiful no matter what I see in the mirror or what I think of my self.

Thank you baby for loving me just as I am.

I'm baaaack

We are back on-line and hopefully it isn't temporary. I would love to spend the time and catch up on a million things but alas I am to busy today. However I will leave you with some funny things my kids have said lately.....

As I have mentioned I am now riding an indoor bike everyday at an attempt to lose weight. On the very first day I thought that this was something really awful I had gotten myself into. The seat was a killer. I talked with Jeff about it and we decided I would buy a new wider seat. So off to Wal-mart I go. I stand in front of approximately ten seats trying to figure out what I should get when I finally just throw one in the basket and continue my shopping. Brendon pats the new seat and tells Kati "These are for people with big hinnies like Mommy." Kids are nothing if not honest.

Lately Kati has begun to notice again the colors of peoples skin and while that is all fine and good I don't want her to be pointing out people in the store and saying things about "that man with the brown face" so I tried explaining it in a new way. Yes, we all have different skin but we also have different colored eyes and hair but we don't make a point of describing people with just those features. "And besides," I said, "I don't say 'Hey Kati, that girl with the white face." To which she replied, "Yeah and I don't say things like you're that girl with the dots all over her face"

That would be acne

And last, I had my feelings soar only to realize I was completely mistaken.
Bear, "Mommy you're a hottie"
Me, with a smile on my face "What did you say?"
Bear, "You're a hottie, you make fires outside"
(I was cooking on the grill)

My Little Man

Daddy Loves you Bear.

I love my boys

Really, how comfortable could this be.
How can he sleep like that?

Let's face it, I laugh at my kids but only in the hopes that they will do the same. I think it's important to learn to laugh at your self. If you take yourself and life to seriously you can't have that much fun. When stuck in rut, or your undershirt, just laugh it off.

What a cutie.

Weigh in Wednesday

I desperately want to lose weight. I hate where I am at right now. After I had Timothy I dropped back down to my pre-pregnancy weight but now I have creeped back up and over that. How did it happen you ask, I thought I was pregnant again. Now in the interest of being honest I should admit that this was many months back. I should tell you that when I am pregnant I take this as my gift from God to eat what ever I want. When I say what ever I want I really mean it. When I was pregnant with Kati I only wanted salad, macaroni, taco bell and ice cream. With Bear it was cake and ice cream and with Timothy I wanted tons of pecan swirls and velveeta shells and cheese.

So when I was two months late and have other symptoms I gave myself permission to eat what ever I wanted. And unfortunately even after I found out I wasn't pregnant I never really got away from my bad ways.

Jeffrey got for me and set up a bike I can ride in the house so I can exercise even if he isn't home, even if the weather is to yukky to go out. But I also know myself, I know that there will be mornings that I wake up and justify not exercising because I was up all night with a kid or I don't feel well, so I thought I would try something new that might shame me into staying on track. Weigh in Wednesday. I am pretty sure that if every week I am putting my weight on here, a weight I was ashamed to say to my husband, I will force myself out of bed every morning. My plan is to keep track of how long I ride each day and weigh just once and week and post it. Since this is an autopost the information is old but I need the motivation.

As of Friday the 13th I weigh 161
Thursday I rode the bike 15 minutes
Friday, 30 minutes
Saturday no bike here at the hotel, the plan was to go swim while Jeff was at work but Jeff made me promise not to go. He isn't weird crazy or possessive I am having heart problems a lot lately and he was worried something would happen to me and no one would be there to help. Look I am making excuses about not exercising already.

So there it is. How embarrassing.
By the way, I am not judging anyone elses weight, I am only concerned for me, my health and self esteem. You do what ever works for you, it doesn't matter to me.

I hate how things are priced at the grocery store. There is so much junk that you can buy but the healthy things are so expensive. Now I know some of you are thinking why on earth are you talking about the price of fruit if you just had a nice weekend, well sometimes in a marriage you just need a break, especially when you have kids. Anyway, back to the store. I had a thought that even if I can't give them fruit or other health things for breakfast like I want I can just make healthier choices. So instead of buying sugary cereals like the kids want and I had been giving into I have only been buying Cheerios. I thought for some variety I would also get Raisin Bran. I love it. It's yummy as is and it makes great muffins.

Kati told me she liked it but only a little bit. She did eat it so I was proud of her. Bear ate some. Now my Timbo...

he dug through it for the good stuff, the raisins.

He knows what he likes and Raisin Bran ain't it.

So my goal for right now is to try and get some things autoposted because I still don't know when we will get our computer back. Hopefully you won't be reading this for a few days.

My bug. We dreamt of her before she was created, before we were even married. While pregnant with her I literally dreamt of her. What she would look like, what her voice would sound like, would she be like me. And when we nearly lost her I dreamt of just holding her in my arms. To smell her baby sweetness. After she was born I began noticing other moms and daughters. The first time it happened we were shopping at Wal-mart when this mom and her teen daughter came near us in the make-up department. They were consulting with one another about different colors and they were talking about one borrowing the others clothes. They were mother and daughter but they were also friends. I still remember that moment. That was the moment when I developed a new longing, a longing to some day be her friend and her confidant. Not to forget the I am the one in authority but to have a special relationship beyond coexisting as just family. To have a girlfriend.

Even though we fight and are at each others throats some days I think we may be on our journey to mirroring that first mom and daughter I saw. Friday night Kati made a suggestion about what dress I should wear on my date. And then later I called her in my room to ask if I should wear my heels or the flip flops like her daddy thought. She stood there for a long time looking me over, truly studying, "Could you put the other ones on so I can see you in them?" She looked so adorable checking me over and really giving thought to what she thought looked better. Struggling with choosing the flip flops because she knew Jeff liked them or picking what she really thought looked better with my dress.

I hope our moments of girl bonding continue.......

Last week I began thinking that it had been a while since Jeffrey and I had enjoyed a date. It had been a while so I asked my mom if she could keep the kids over night so Jeff and I could enjoy our date without having to rush back anywhere. The plan was for this friday, we would go out for dinner and even though Jeff was going to have to work saturday morning I was going to spend a few hours working on Timothy's blanket before I picked up the kids.

Unfortunately our plans were changed when we found out my mom was sick. Although she was feeling a little better on friday I told her not to worry about it that I just wanted her to just rest. So Jeff and I just sucked it up and I planned to make a nice dinner for us and the kids that night. I spent the day doing all the laundry and cleaning but at lunch time Jeff called and said that he was going to call his parents and see if they could watch them. The plan was to meet them half way and they kids could stay at their house but instead they came here and Jeff got us a room. It gets even more exciting for me.

First we went out to eat, oh no, wait, first, I got beautiful flowers and then we went out to eat. I thought Cheesecake Factory would be nice since Jeff had never been there. We really enjoyed it. After we drove to our hotel that is in within walking distance to Jeff's job since he has to work today. I love it, it beautiful! Inside our room Jeffrey had a large balloon tied to my favorite candy, chocolate covered strawberries and one of my favorite drinks waiting for me. Later we slipped into our swimming suits and went to try out the indoor heated pool. Imagine our disappointment when we got down there and their were other people there. Don't they know we are on a special date! They left not to long after we got there. We sat in the hot tub for a little while but I had to get out because of my heart, that pool didn't seem so heated after we had been in the 105 degree hot tub. While I was swimming I was surprised to get a mouth full of salt. Salt water pool, new to me.

I haven't even got to the best part yet. Today after Jeff gets off of work I get to take a tour of his job and see all the mind boggling things he does all day. It's a special treat. They just don't let non-employees inside. I have only been inside once. I took the kids up there when Bear was only a few weeks old. I think the security guard was only lured by the baby. They let me go into the lunch room for just a short while and when I asked to use the ladies room there was question on if I was even going to be aloud to go. I know the thought of seeing someone else's job might sound like a snoozer but I can't wait. We had to get permission all the way from the V.P. It's so exciting, I love hearing about Jeff's day and all the things he does, the new machines or things that he has done that improve production. He might even turn some of them on for me. I feel like a little kid at Christmas!

So pretty much what I am saying is that my mom getting sick is the best thing that could have happened to my weekend. Thanks mom, hope you feel better soon. And a huge thanks to Jeff's parents for coming all the way out here so Jeff and I could get a break, we really appreciate it.

**edited to note that I realize this blog is all messed up but I have never used a laptop before and it was just becoming to stressful to try and figure it all out. It was being less therapeutic and more havoc so I am publishing it as is.

Happy Valentines day to all. I am super excited to be blogging this morning. Jeffrey surprised me with a night at a hotel and to sweeten the deal even more he borrowed a laptop so I could blog this morning if I wanted. So as soon as I got back from dropping him off at work I immediately sat down at the computer.

I have so many things to blog about and don't know where to start so I just picked the first random photos I saw.

Happy Valentines Day Stacy! I love you!

Thinking about my wife right now...

I love you Stacy. I'm glad your ok.