A bittersweet day

These pictures are old but I wanted to post them anyway. I have so many pictures of things that I just had to share with all five of you but then I never end up posting them.


These pictures are from what our church calls promotion Sunday. I don't know what other churches call it, I have been to the same church all my life. It just means this is the Sunday that all the kids move up to their next age group. And since Kati didn't really get to have that first day of kindergarten picture, you know the one, the one where your mom made you stand outside in your front yard and she licked her thumb to wipe jelly off your cheek before she took your picture, that one, I decided I would take pictures on this day. This special day where my baby girl feels all grown up to me.It didn't help matters that she wanted to take a backpack to church with her that morning. My chest nearly burst with pride looking at my big girl. And no I didn't ask her to pose like this.

?

Of course Mister personality thought he just couldn't be left out.
Here we are outside of her room. You would be proud. There was no screaming or peeling hands off of doors. I did just fine and so did Kati. She just walked right in.
Kati with her teacher. Now that I look at this picture, that lady in the background is also her teacher. I sure am good at leaving people out. Way to go Stacy. Way to get a picture of Kati with her too.

I found about five other picture just like this. Now that's some good parenting.

A first

When Jeff's mom called yesterday to ask if the kids and I wanted to go to the lake with all of them my very first thought was, "no". And truth be told if Kayla and Kyle weren't leaving for home in a few days that is probably what I would have said.

I hate the water. It's beautiful to look at, and I love to hear the sounds that it can make, but to get in, it's not for me. Especially the lake. If I can't see my feet then I have no idea what just swam across it. You should know that once when Jeff and I were just kids I literally tore a necklace right off of his neck. We were swimming at a friends pool, well I should say Jeff was swimming and I was trying to appear cool and a part of the large group while only hanging onto the edge at the deep end, when Jeff came over pulled me off the wall and tried to dunk me. As you know it didn't end well. I hate the water.

I already had expectations of how today was going to go. Bear would try it but once he saw Kati's refusal to go in he would follow along. Now I didn't come to this conclusion because the kids know I hate the water, they have no idea, I came to this conclusion because the very first thing Kati said after I told them where we were going was "I don't think I am going to like it because there are going to be snakes in the water." Like any good parent I lied and said there wouldn't. How do you explain to a child that there probably are going to be some snakes but not to worry because the chance of one bothering you is very slight, even though it is still a possibility. Now my thoughts on Timothy, Timothy is fearless. I had no doubts that Timothy would want to get in and go full steam ahead, but I wasn't sure that I was going to be happy with that. Maybe it's a never quit attitude or lack of good sense but the boy just wont stop. He loves the water and cries when you get him out. Not a tiny little baby whimper but a full on scream sometimes. I had no doubts that he would want to get right in.

Since I had a feeling we would all be spending our time outside of the water I packed lots of sand toys to play with while everyone else had there fabulous time in the water. And then I went to pack my swimsuit. It was missing a piece. An important piece. A missing piece that would have made me not modest is hottest. A piece that you wouldn't dare show up in fort of you daddy, brother in law and children without. So now what. Now without a swimsuit I am going to have to be a bother and rely on someone else to take Timothy way out like he is going to want to do and I hate needing other people, I always feel like such a bother. But I stop and take a deep breath and remind myself that Kayla and Kyle will be gone soon and I want to soak up all the time I can with them.

We load up the car and hit the road. Daddy calls me ten minutes before our meeting time to ask me if I have left the house yet. He has a right. Jeff and I can't seem to get anywhere on time. But none the less his call makes me smile. We meet up and he slips his blue grass cd in to my player while we wait for Jason and I can feel more frustration about the day fading away. I watch him talk to my children about mandolin players and Ricky Scaggs and watch their eyes dance while he teases. All is right with the world. Jason's diesel truck pulls up behind us and I can hear the rumble, knowing my sweet niece and nephew are just behind me. As Jason walks around to my window the sun light catches the red in his hair that is just peeking from beneath his John Deere cap and I wonder why on earth his wife would have left him. Sure he has his problems just like the next guy but he is a good christian man. Jeff and all his brothers are good looking, there isn't a dog among them, not even a half dog. Good looking and Christian, what more could she ask for.

He reaches in my window and presses the button to roll down the kids window and leans in. He immediately goes to teasing because that's how this family is. And then he took my mood of stress free to sunny. As he was talking to the kids he explained that the water was very shallow, and how they could walk for a long time and the water would still only be to their knees. I was filled with relief knowing that Timbo would be able to get out and play and I could follow right behind in my capri's. Kati and Bear could just be boring if they wanted too but I was determined to enjoy my day.

We all load up and head out to the lake. When we pull up there is no one there but us and I love it. I took Timothy from Kayla and set him down in the sand and in typical Timothy fashion he just took off. He didn't even look back to see if anyone followed. He needs no one. I slather my kids with sunscreen and to my surprise they just headed out there, following behind their fearless cousins. That's not to say that there weren't scaredie cat moments but they did great. Bear went really far out, about up to his neck. Even though Kati spent a lot of time up on the sand she did really well too. I don't really need to tell you how Timbo did, you already know he is fearless. He drank a third of the lake and some sand too but he wanted no help and was determined to keep at it. We had a great day. It got even better when Jeffrey showed up to join us.

Whoa, this turned into a really long and rambling blog. Your a trooper if you made it all the way threw this. Sadly I don't have any picture to share about the day. This is how I want to blog all the time, with more words to go along with my pictures, but I fall into the habit of few words and lots of picture because it is faster. Once I write a blog and spell check it and read it 7.3 times for errors (and still miss half of the mistakes) I have three hungry kids and dusty bunnies attacking me so I just fall into the habit of quick posts. Hey look I'm still rambling, you really are a trooper. I should go to bed.

Someone just couldn't wait for nap any longer

"Don't even think about hitting me!"

"I wasn't thinking about hitting you!"

Loud stomping coming towards our room.........

"He has already hit me like eleven times today!"

At least we know he is secure in his manhood.

I know that it is Friday and that right now you should be looking at some old picture instead of a new one of Timbo but it has been a long week so this is what you get. I have had these pictures for weeks now, maybe even a month so they are kind of old. Anyway, they were too cute not to share.

They like to call themselves sisters and twins rather than cousins.
It's a good thing they both have brothers, we are going to need someone to threaten all the interested boys. Or maybe a closet built for two. At least they wouldn't be lonely.

I have been on an unintentional blogging break, but just look at this picture. It totally makes up for all the days I missed.

Flashback Friday

When I look at this face it's hard to imagine that she could ever get into trouble. Now that she is almost five I know different. I love you Bug.

Child like faith

**written Monday evening

As I sit here at the computer about to begin a post in wanders my oldest boy. My heart melter. With a sly smirk on his face he tells me he can't sleep. It's too dark. To which I replied "I have a hard time believing that when you come in here with a smile". (I should know better by now, he is a carbon copy of his daddy and Jeff almost always smiles when nervous.) As I began to shoo him off back to bed he made this one simply request, a request I could never deny him, "Mommy would you please pray for me?"

Good times

It occurred to me as I posed my kids for a photo and their fight broke out that those of you with only one child have never experienced the fight that almost always ensues during photo ops, or at least with my kids anyway.Usually at least one of them is not happy about being in the photo. This time it was Kati. She didn't mind having her photo taken she just didn't want to share the spot light.
She is already grumpy and now huffing at Bear.
Something about how putting his arm there was just make the picture ugly.
He then yells he isn't ugly.
And the fight continues.
Now, a good mom probably would have broken the fight up but I just kept snapping away for you people.
Special photo moment over. Just so you know I didn't attempt any more posed photo's from that day. Any thing else from then on in was all candid, even when they begged to pose at yet another rock. I may be a bad mom but I'm not stupid.

Tonight I cancelled plans with a friend. That's out of character for me but after the emotional week that I have had seeing Daddy made me change my evening. Last week old feelings of rejection came bubbling up, tearing open old wounds so I needed this night. Feelings that left me feeling weak and small, unwanted, not loved and a bother. This night, a night sitting next to my Daddy, with his fingers lightly resting on my shoulder, as we, as a family, talked about the President we love, our faith, and war. To be surrounded with laughing children, smiling faces, and the nearness of a man who chose me for a daughter, who loves me just as I am. A daddy that would drive to the ends of the earth for me.

Yumm-o

The boy has an unnatural love for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. These pictures are almost a month old but every time I see them I am just dying to share them with y'all. The boy is serious about his food.



He thought about sharing some with mebut then changed his mind.




"Man that was good!"

Flashback Friday

Easter 1998

Check out my weird eyes. I read in a magazine that white eye liner made you look less tired. Why didn't anyone tell me it just made me look stoned.

It's amazing how something you didn't even remember from nearly two decades ago can affect you that much.

Making Pizza

When it rains..............there is a tidal wave

Sunday morning while I was fixing Kati's hair for church I found a bug. After some research I confirmed my suspicions that she had lice. So while Jeff headed of the teach Sunday school I headed to our local Wal-mart to get all the supplies I would need to fix this problem.

From start to finish it took me one hour and 45 minutes to treat her hair. That doesn't count all the gathering of toys and things that now need to be washed. After Jeffrey came home I had him check my hair, Kati and I share brushes - a no no I know, and I too have lice. Lovely. What adult wants to admit that. I am completely disgusted. All the boys were checked and came up bug free, thank goodness.

The next day Timbo developed diarrhea. A lot. All day. One was so nasty that I had to go wash my hands before I could put the clean diaper back on. When I came back the was a mess all over the floor. His little bum is now raw. And to make matters worse he doesn't understand any of it. He thinks we are hurting him. Thank God for unconditional love from children otherwise he might not speak to me ever again. There has been lots of rocking and singing and tons of ointment.

Now Bear. My poor Bear. I thought the poor kiddo had chapped lips and face around his lips. I washed him up and rubbed chap stick on his lips and face. After nap Jeff noticed a large blister on his chin. When I looked at him I noticed a blister lining his upper lip. A blister that wasn't there that morning. Jeff headed off to have him checked out. I am to furious to go into all of that but someone is going to get an ear full about their incompetent staff. Jeff left that place, that we will not be returning to and headed to the children's hospital that Bear went to for his concussion. These people were so much more helpful. I was really hard to be waiting at home to find out what was wrong with my little man. Bear is have a reaction to some kind of a bug bite and has a infection on his skin. It doesn't help that it is by his mouth and he keeps liking it and sucking his thumb.

We headed out today to get his prescription when Timbo took a face plant right out the door onto our rug. I don't mean one of those nice plush rugs, I'm talking like those Brillo ones that are there to scrap mud off your shoes. Nice. We get to Wal-mart and they don't have the meds. I go to another one and finally get it but they charge me for it. I don't think I was suppose to be charged.


Sorry for the pity party. I know things could be worse, but ya know, it stinks.

Timbo still has the horribly sore bum.



This is yesterday morning when I thought he just had some chapped skin and lips
This was taken after nap. You can see the blisters on his chin and the one outlinning his top lip. Now the boy has big lips anyway but they are swollen. Poor guy. On a side note notice the darker hair on the side of his upper lip. I'm not ready for that. He is just a baby.
This picture was just taken. His swelling has gone down a lot but now his blisters are ozing and crusting.

Is Mike Home? Part 5 (the conclusion)

As soon as Jeffrey got back in the car I told him we had to go there. When I opened the double brown doors smells washed over me that I hadn't smelled since I was a child- hard liquor and beer. My eyes again began to fill with tears when I saw that old jukebox that played for me countless weekends. The pool tables had been moved and the name had changed but it was still the same old place. There was no mistaking that. I walked up to the bar and saw what looked to be a familiar face but addressed the barmaid instead. I showed her the picture of my father and stepmother that I had brought with me. She was very rude and informed me that many people came into that bar and she could not be sure. The familiar man on the bar stool asked to see the picture. He immediately bristled and asked why I wanted to know. I barely choke out, "He's my father.". He called me by my name and told me he remembered playing games with me as a child. He was my father's friend Malcolm. I told him I hadn't seen him in years and wanted to find him. Malcolm told me he hadn't seen him in months but he would give me directions to the last place he knew they lived. He also gave me directions to another bar that my father frequently patroned. We went to the other bar first expecting him to be there. We opened the doors to friendly drunken people singing. I asked if Stephen and Debi had been there tonight and they told me no. I called my mother to tell her I was almost there and asked her to pray for me. Jeffrey and I headed up 472, turned right and passed Calvary Baptist church. We made a left and passed a cheap motel and turned left again to a residential street. It was the quickest and longest drive I had ever been on. When we pulled into the dirt driveway Jeffrey grabbed my hand and began to pray for me.

Jeffrey held my hand as I knocked on their door. Debi answered the door and looked at me in disbelief, "Stacy?". I shook my head yes. She put her hand over her mouth and repeated over and over again, "Oh my god, Oh my god". She hugged me so tightly. My father came from what appeared to be the kitchen and said, "What is it baby?". "It's Stacy. Don't you recognize your own daughter?"


He didn't

Is Mike Home? Part 4

We followed the directions to a tee and still couldn't find the address. I thought to myself, "Lord help them if they ever have an accident. 911 will never find them." We drove around for more than an hour. I wasn't ready to give up yet, but I didn't know where to go from there. I finally lost hope and gave up. I decided the Lord did not want me to find my father. Jeffrey went to get gas before we headed home. I cried openly to no one but myself. I had come so close and still had not found him. I had gone to our own home, the lake where we spent hot summers, and flea markets where I would spend the five dollars he would give me. I allowed myself to feel all of that happiness and fear and pain again for nothing. I was no further than when I had started. All I did was reopen healing wounds. I sobbed and felt that same horrible ache in my chest again. Through my tears I looked up and saw a bar. A memory flashed in my mind, many memories. I had been there before.