Yup, she's mine

Last week Kati got in the van from school overly excited.
 "Momma, guess what all the 3rd graders got at school today!" 

"What's that Bug?"

"Everybody got their own dictionary and we get to keep them!"

"For like ever or you have to give it back at the end of the year?"

"Forever!"
When of my favorite Christmas presents of all time what a book set my mother got me.  It had a dictionary, a thesaurus, and a spelling book.  I still have them today, nearly two decades later.

Another way I see that she is mine;
Recently I walked past Kati's room after she was sent to bed and saw her reading a book on a school night.  That's nothing new but I had her put the book away because she is a cranky pants in the morning and I think it is from her late night reading.  The next night I passed her room after bed time and peeked in at her.  Sound asleep, or so she appeared.  It usually takes Bug awhile to fall asleep so I decided to call her out on it, "Where's the book Bug?"  I saw a mischievous grin spread across her face as she raised up on her elbow and pulled a book out from under the covers.


She is defintly Jeff's too. 
"Momma, guess what.  At school today Ms. so-and-so gave us a tricky math problem and only three people got the answer right and I was one of them!"

I am not at all surprised.  I hear things similar to this very often. "What was it?"

"We had to figure out three, three.  I can't remember the word but it starts with a c.  Three something numbers-"

"Consecutive?"

"Yeah, that's it.  Three consecutive numbers that add up to 90.  Me and two other people were the only ones who got it right.  Then Ms. so-and-so had us go around and help other people!"

Me-deep in thought, eyebrows knit together, crickets quietly chirping.......

Yup, she is Jeff's too.  I knew enough to start by dividing by 3 and past that my brain would go no further.  I worried when she got into the gifted class I wouldn't be of any help and it looks like I was right.  At least she has her dad to help her when she gets stumped. 

Don't forget

It can be easy to just see the bio family as the "bad guys" and most people would agree.  Our MAPP class spent lots of time trying to get us to "build the bridge", meaning to build a relationship with them.  It sounds kind of nuts but when remember that the states goal is reunification (being returned to their family) it doesn't seem so crazy anymore.  These children are brought into your home and you fall in love.  When they are, possibly, returned to their family if you have any hope of seeing that child you will need to have built that relationship with the family beforehand.

That thought is somewhat easy to come to in class but once you have the children in your home sometimes it can be forgotten when you see the effects on the children from being "raised" by their bio family.

God doesn't want me to forget that when we were going threw our classes that I prayed our family would be a light for Christ.  Just recently while going threw my bible study I feel Christ was trying to remind me of my original goal of being a light, "have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" James 2:4b
Also I read, from Beth Moore's book, "When He who was, who is, and who is to come sees each one of us, He sees who we were, who we are, and who we will become."
It just reminded me that no matter my thoughts of their families God loves them still.  Hard fact to swallow but true.

If you are reading this in the morning please be in prayer today, thank you.

Big Green Hug

Too help Mr. with bonding and attachment issues he gets swaddled 1-3, or more, times a day for at least 10 minutes at a time in a large green sheet.  When the kids saw this they wanted to be a part and get their turn too.  It didn't take but one turn for them to decide the swaddling part wasn't for them.  So it went from a swaddle to just green covers and from there to getting to read books with me, usually in the morning before we start our day and at night before bed.  The kids love it!

Two of a kind

These two boys just love playing with each other.  It is so fun to watch Bo be a big brother.  He takes his job very seriously!  He, of course, has to pick on Mr. but he also sticks up for him if someone else bothers him, claiming "Hey, that's my brother!"  He also feels personally responsible for laughs, or I should say lack of laughs, coming from that chubby face.

Never want to forget

Very often while we walk to school the kids play "Mario".  They find berries and make them "fire pluckers".  They imagine "the big red meany", he is the flying red mushroom.  While they walk atop the barrier lava flows below them.  Bowser always lurks somewhere nearby.  There is lots of jumping and running and sound effects.

I pray my forgetful mind chooses these memories to hold onto.

Two months

As of today we have had Mr. Cuter Tooter for two months.  What a two months they have been!  We have seen him grow and it is such a blessing. When he came to our home he could say about 3 words clearly.  Since he has come to stay with us he has learned a few more words and is understanding the concept of signing and can sign a few things on his own.  He can sign hurt, more, bread and food.  He tries to sign help, water and sometimes thank you. He understands our signing (without speaking) medicine, food, more, and I believe drink.

Mr. has delays and other things that need addressing.  Ordinarily it takes months before "services" can be put into place.  It is such a blessing but he is already being evaluated for services.  Jeff and I are so grateful.

Wanted

"You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
It makes sense when I'm with you"

There is no way I could do all of this without God and Jeff.

I am so blessed to have a support system.

Pink eye anyone?

I went 9 years with no one getting it,

 I guess it was time.

Bo

"When they said snack cake, they meant snack cake.  It's a snack and it's a cake.  And it's even got sprinkles on it"

The bringing in of the buckets

Each year the kids look forward to the bringing in of the buckets, no matter the holiday.

5,7&9

I love that they still like "camping out" together.

What a character....

so he fits right in.


Mr Cutier Tooter.  While bathing him yesterday morning I was talking to him and said, "Ya know, I should count how many times in a day you say my name because it would just be crazy."  Bear over heard me and began a count on sticky notes.  Forty minutes later the count for "Mama" was up to 68.  No joke.

Yesterday at lunch time I was planning on making a casserole with the older kids.  It was already late so I threw a pbj together for Mr. CT so he wouldn't be hungry.  I forgot to cut the sandwich before giving it to him.  When I went back into the dinning room to check on him he had the sandwich open and had smeared the filling all over his face and the bottoms of his feet......maybe tomorrow it will be funny to me.

Please Pray for my Q

My Q,

I was pulling up to a red light after leaving Wal-mart trying desperately to hear the voice on the voice mail over the sounds of the kids in the background.  It was a thick voice, African American, and he is saying something about a baby boy.  That was the first moment I learned of sweet you.

I frantically called him back to hear what he was trying to say on the message.  Baby boy, white, 2 days old, healthy, bringing him to you tomorrow is what I heard.  I quickly hung up with him to call Daddy.  I spewed out the information as quickly as I could to hear what his answer was.  As soon as I got the yes I wanted to get off the phone right away to call the CPS worker back, fearful we would lose you.

"Yes, yes. We want him.  When do we get him?"

I was told to wait for another call to find out.  The kids and I made a late night run to another Wal-mart when we learned we would get you early the next morning.  We needed bottles, and diapers, and formula and that one outfit I just couldn't resist for you, and pacifiers.  The formula, oh the formula....If I couldn't breast feed you I wanted you to have the best.  I stood there for so long staring at all those cans and not having a clue about which one to buy. 

It took me so long to fall asleep that night.  Dreaming of you and thinking of how sad and scared your birth mom must be.  And praying for all of you.  I couldn't wait to fall asleep because I knew that just brought me closer to you.  The next morning couldn't come fast enough.

Hour after hour passed, and still no you.  I made calls and waited and waited.  Finally minutes before I had to leave to go get your brothers and sister from school here you were, hidden under a blanket in a car seat.  I pulled it back and my you were so tiny.  I thought to myself you were just a tiny little peanut.  I couldn't wait for the CPS worker to leave so I could gush over you in private.  I took pictures of you to send to Daddy at work.  I hated putting you back into a car seat but we had to get the kids, who I knew couldn't wait to meet you too.

Bo was the first sibling to hold you.  He beamed with big brother pride.

"Dear God, thank you for the food and the drinks, and Kati and Bear and Question Mark......." and that's how you became my Q because your brother couldn't remember your name.  That same morning as I kissed Bo good-bye at the kindergarten playgroud I heard "Bye Question Mark.  I love you Question Mark"

I loved you right from the start but you stole my heart when you began opening your eyes.  There are no words to explain what you did to me.  At night when I fed you I would stare at your sweet face and think of your birth mother and wonder if she was thinking of you.

The last three nights you were with us you couldn't or wouldn't sleep without me.  I will cherish those nights of your tiny body against my chest as we both slept in the recliner.

You leaving us was devastating.  Devastating doesn't even begin to explain it.  I knew I couldn't keep it together and hand you over to your birth father so Daddy did it for me while I waited in the van with the kids.  Before he took you I kissed you all over your sweet plump face.  I felt then and feel now that we will never see you again and there are no words for this anguish.  I think of you all the time and pray for you constantly.  My prayers are for you to be safe, healthy and happy.  I pray that someday we will see you and hold you again.  I pray we get the chance to watch you grow up. 

                                      I love you Q,
                                        Mommy

So creative

Little stinker threw his socks up in the window sill.....he thought this up on his own.