As I lay in bed praying and contemplating what I will do this summer to support my family I hear the rustle of a diaper. Expecting to hear the same "I want to be wiss you" that I heard 5 minutes ago I am not pleased. It's something different. He needs to potty. I sit on the cold tile that Jeffrey put in almost a year ago and share a victory with my little guy at 5 in the morning. Knowing that he wont be sleeping again I wager with myself that it's better to put him in bed with me then to have him wake Bear so early. We snuggle down under my thick comforter.

I go back to praying but can't resist the urge to peek at his sweet face. I open my eyes to see another set of eyes, beautiful milk chocolate brown, just inches from mine. His round cheek turn upward as he sees me looking at him. "Kissy-kissy", I hear. He clumsily comes to kiss my forehead, right where I needed a kiss. His cool lips mash against my warm forehead and an arm is thrown around me as my face is smashed into his chest. I am certain I must have an imprint of the penguin skiing from his pajamas tattooed to my face. This time I hear "huggy- huggy". He settles back down with Daddy Bubba tucked under one arm while the other is upraised with a thumb firmly tucked in his mouth. I close my eyes. Even though I would rather stare at him for the next hour and a half I know he wont sleep if I am looking at him.

I return to my thoughts of summer when his sleepy baby breathe begins to blow my hair from my forehead. I try not to smile. He begins to quietly sing the 'abc's'. A soft delicate, un-worked, baby hand strokes my cheek, cool against my face. Refreshing. I can feel his love for me, almost hearing the words he likes to say to me, "You da best momma in da whole world." I lay there thanking my Lord for this precious gift and my two other gifts just down the hall..........

Family is forever

One year ago my Mom got married. She waited two decades for him but he was worth the wait. It's nice to see her smile.

35 Years

I am way late on sharing their anniversary. (I didn't forget Daddy I promise, it was just a rough day.)

When I was a kid I had three marriages I would have banked on making it for all time and theirs was the top of the list. I love you guys. Thank you for letting me watch you two hold hands all these years.

More Bear

Bear-Bear

I love this old truck

and the girl in it.

I hate fighting with the kids but I especially hate it in the mornings. Getting the kids to get all their clothes together for school was driving me batty. Kati is pretty good about it but the boys......Man it was like pulling teeth so I have been using this cheap idea to help out.

I bought gallon sized zip lock bags ($1.64) and a basket ($1.50) for each boy. As I am folding laundry I group things together for an outfit, shirt, pants, underwear and socks. This way it allows for Bear and Bo to pick their own clothes for the day but keeps it all together for me. This has cut down on the getting dressed time and saved me a lot of hassle.

What a looker

Grandpa gave me a hard time for my lack of blogging. I am sorry to all three of you who still read. I have been busy at work. I posted so much lately because I had time off at the holidays. I will try and find time to take pictures and fill you in on what is happening in our busy home.

In the mean time here is a picture of the one who keeps me the busiest to tide you over till I can get some time.

2009 has been a year of change for me and if you truly know me then you know how much I hate change. I think these lines from a Rascal Flatts song sums this year up best for me

I loved like I should
but lived like I shouldn't
I had to loose everything just to find out

Some of the change has been devastating and some of the changes are amazingly wonderful. I have changed a lot about myself this year. Outwardly I have lost around 20 pounds (darn that Thanksgiving). I have also changed a lot about me as a mother, a woman and the kind of wife that I want to be.

The most exciting change that has happened for me this year is meeting my son. I know that may sound odd considering I didn't give birth to any children this year. For the first time in four and a half years I actually know my boy. All this time we have just co-existed in the same space. Not because I didn't love him but because I didn't know how to rear him in the way that he needed. Jeffrey and I changed out parenting techniques with him and in a few months I had this new boy living in my home. He smiles and laughs and wants me to be a part of his world now.
On Christmas Eve Jeffrey suggested we let the kids open one gift and they each selected one from under the tree. Ordinarily Bear would have complained about Bo going first but instead he waited patiently. Not just for Bo to take the wrapping off but even waiting while we opened the box and got the things out. But what happened next was the best Christmas present I have ever (and possibly will ever) received.

Bear's face lit up when he opened his gift.
Inside was an airplane with a drill for him to disassemble and reassemble the plane as many times as he wants.

A few months ago my car broke and I stood out in the drive way taking things out with tools I didn't know the name to while Bear and Bo rode around and around on their trikes. From time to time Bear would pick something up and ask about its name and what it was for (not that I had the answer for him). Before Bear wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't have shared his curiosity with me, wouldn't have tried to be a part of my world. And I am sure this is mostly my doing and it breaks my heart to know that.

Anyway I tucked that day away in my mind and when I saw that airplane I knew it was for him. And clearly that face says I was right!

I sat on my couch that night watching Jeffrey and Bear building together and I had the goofiest grin on my face as I fought back my tears. I sat there realizing that for the first time I picked a toy for him knowing he would like it. Because for the first Christmas I know my son. My son that I have always loved and always cherished. I just never knew him.